Be the change you wish to see in the world!
I was doing the usual election thing, you know. For me this involves:
1). drinking lots of tea
2). giving states the thumbs-up or -down, as though I am a Roman Emperor
3). watching Jon Stewart and his cohorts
For about an hour the tea pot and I were alone in the living room, flipping between networks to examine the differently colored states on the various maps. The tv was silent: I put it on mute because I just couldn't handle the newscasters voices anymore. I was giving the thumbs-up and thumbs-down like it was my job, doing mathematics in my head like the rockstar I am. The other residents of the house were occasionally dropping by to marvel at democracy in action.
Somebody attempted to take the tv remote from me.
My reply: "No. Not today."
After it was announced that McCain conceded the election and he came out to speak to the assembled crowd, the Tuna Eater started. (The Tuna Eater watches anything. He'd watch static if it were showing.)
First of all, we had to define the word concede for him.
Then, as he did every time anything remotely red-state-ish was going on, started blabbering about stupid rednecks. Every other day/time this happened, I would leave and make a cup of tea to forestall any face-punching. This time though, I just couldn't deal with it. And yes, I actually did use the word dis - it's in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Me: Tuna Eater. Stop.
Tuna Eater: Why? They're just stupid rednecks who...
Tuna Eater: (starts mumbling something else about rednecks, as though I'm unfamiliar with the stereotypes)
Me: Stop talking. You are dissing my home part of the country, some of my friends and family.
Tuna Eater: (keeps trying to talk about stupid American rednecks, guns and Bibles and whatever, not realizing exactly what he's dealing with)
Me: You have no idea what you are talking about. I can dis as much as I want because I'm American. You are not American, therefore you cannot dis. You do and I will take you outside and punch you in the face. Right now. I am not even joking. So stop talking.
Tuna Eater's mouth opens and closes, no sound emerging, he is clearly stunned.
Through his nictating membrane of monosyllabic stupidity, he could see the lazer-bright truth of a possibly imminent face-punching and was silent. At that moment I was completely a Western Pennsylvania American.