Monday, July 11, 2011

Trying New Things: Tea

Number one tea: Tetley.

I buy like two 80-bag boxes of Tetley every three months or so, and it requires a special trip to a slightly more-inconvenient grocery story, because the number one Tetley Tea is the British Blend.  (My life is soooo hard!  First world problems - wah wah wah.)  The tea bags are round, have more tea in them, and are even better at brewing darker and are thusly more effective at staining your teeth.
The corner convenience grocery by my apartment doesn't have any form of Tetley, so the other day I decided to branch out, but cautiously, with PG Tips.  PG Tips has a ridiculously awesome name, and is apparently England's number one tea.  Truth - I have actually heard/read of real-life English people drinking it, though when I was in England it was Tetley for me every morning!
Anyway, the PG Tips is good.  It will be my number-two tea.  Emergency run-out-of-number-one-tea or take-to-work tea.

So imagine my surprise when I did a little internet tea-stalking and discovered that the people that make PG Tips are also responsible for Lipton!

Ugh - Lipton.  Why is America okay with Lipton?  So bland, so weak, so nasty.  The tea of conferences - offered by those who only drink coffee, usually with water heated in a coffee pot, so it come pre-sullied with a nasty burnt coffee flavor.  The only thing a cup of Lipton is good for is watering plants: it's so gross.  You might as well just steep a cup of random sticks and leaves that you found in the park.
Interesting side-note.  Tetley British Blend was easy to find in Ottawa.  Once British people get to Canada, they become 250% more British than they were back in the home country, so they need the British Blend to survive in North America, even after they've become Canadian citizens.

There was a second British tea that was all-over Ottawa: Ty-phoo.  I never purchased any Ty-phoo, because the name is too close to Ty-phoid, and it made me think that either a) the tea was only good if you were sick, or b) the tea would infect you.  I did drink some Ty-phoo, and it was okay.  I didn't get Ty-phoid, but then I think my vaccination for that is still good.
Disclaimer: this is all my opinion, clearly.  You might totally love Lipton.  Whatever.


Lea said...

I totally agree with your assessment of Lipton. YUCK. Not even with a coupon. Ever. Giant Eagle has its own brand of tea (who knew?) and they have a delicious English Breakfast Tea. We might have to hook you up, just to try it. And, also, the hotter and stronger the tea....the better.

Additionally, one morning, while staying at my house, my mom tried to pour her coffee into my travel mug. UMMMM, NO WAY!! Do not taint my tea cup with stale coffee. Again, YUCK.

Michael said...

Lipton was intended for the making of tea eggs and/or shocking one awake while performing mind numbing work

Mary Ann said...

Thank you for the in-depth account of tea! I like Tetley too, but very hard to find around here. I did buy some at Wegmans in St. College. It is really good.

Jessica said...

Lea - yes, never Lipton, not even with a coupon.

Mary Ann - ask my mom where she gets her tea - she's always got Tetley.

Kiki said...


Jessica said...

Not really a big green tea fan: too astringent.